Staying Bendy
So, we're gonna call it "staying bendy." Aka, building flexibility into the criteria for what makes you happy.
Today I'm going to do an exercise right before your eyes, in this email, because the idea of having an audience is sometimes the *only thing* that will keep me from opting for Netflix. That is how much I value you opening this email, if you were ever in doubt!
In my group program, Fearless Femmes (it's not too late to join, women in NYC--just respond to this email if you're interested!) we'll be working to create a compelling vision of the future.
What got us here won't get us there--and most people, when they're leveling up in life, let themselves wallow in confusion or uncertainty about "how to do it."
The premise here is to backwards engineer your plan from a set of criteria for what is appropriate, with respect to that desired future.
So we start with Question #1: The Criteria. What is important, valuable, right, wrong, and appropriate in the following domains?
My answers are inline.
Relationships: Harmony. Growth. Kindness. Shared dreams.
Personal Health: Moderation. Movement. Mindfulness.
Lovers: Stability. Exploration. Shared dreams. Support. Kindness.
Politics: Justice. Mindfulness.
Lifestyle: Sleep. Balance. Nature. Community.
Career: Learning. Impact. Consistency. Structure.
Add whatever additional pillars you like.
Now, why bother listing criteria?
What's compelling for me is not necessarily compelling for you. Flexibility in criteria creates CHOICE. A.K.A., you get to stay bendy, instead of having rigid structures that might fail.
When I take full responsibility for making the exact amount of money I want to make--setting a criteria for "consistency", as opposed to say, "scaling", then I never experience anxiety about not making more money, because growth is not important for this period of time (it will be soon, though! at which point I'll update my criteria).
When I choose consistency, I construct my plan around consistency. If I follow the plan, then my results are predictable.
Louder, for the people in the back: FOLLOWING THIS METHOD ELIMINATES ANXIETY...
...BECAUSE I AM ENGINEERING RESULTS BASED ON WHAT'S IMPORTANT TO ME IN THIS MOMENT.
Do I still feel anxiety sometimes? Sure, we all slip. But when I do, my task becomes singular: get back to my plan.
Manage your emotions by engineering the results that really matter to you.
I'll introduce the next step in this process next week: Assessing the Present.
Question for you:
What are you optimizing for?